livin'

.FOR LENNY.

Right now I'm staffing MISSION ADVENTURES. Last night I was out doing street ministry with the team that is here from L.A. We went downtown to share lemonade and hot chocolate and conversation with the people we meet.

We ended up in Occidental Park (for a panoramic view of this, click HERE). Sitting near the fallen firefighters memorial were a bunch of people hanging out, people who have no homes.....they might be called "homeless". Only, sometimes I get tired of labelling them that, because they are, after all, people with a story, like you and I. Anyways, moving on...

Let me tell you about Lenny. I met him last night. My guess is he's in his 60's. I asked him if he would like some lemonade, he said he did. I handed him some and asked how his night was going. He told me it wasn't going well due to a very bad hangover, and his total frustration at himself because he had been doing so good saving his money and not drinking. But once he gets a beer in him, it's pretty much the downward spiral.
Lenny is an alcoholic. I asked him what it's like for him when he drinks, what pressures he's relieved from temporarily and what he is like when drunk. This man was very gentle and sad, so I couldn't imagine him being violent, which turned out to be right, according to Lenny. He said he sings and laughs and in general just feels happy and forgets about how messed up his life is.
Lenny and I are both only children. We talked about that....he said at one point that all his life he was told he was a spoiled brat (this is typical phrase you hear if an only child....it's total ignorance) and sometimes now he wonders if all the crap that has happened to him is deserved because maybe all he amounts to is simply a "spoiled brat". Or perhaps he just a weakling and he's simply too weak to "do life". I had to stop him from saying this about himself -I could feel myself tearing up.
Lenny feels defeated and scared. He's afraid to pray or have faith because whenever he has prayed in the past, crazy bad things have happened to him and people he's cared about. He feels as though Satan has more power than God because Satan has done more damage in his life than God has done good.
He says "it's a really scary thing when you have no faith at all....not even faith in yourself".
The passage that says "hope deferred makes the heart sick" came to my mind. I see Lenny in those words a thousand times over.
He wants to go to treatment, but says he's been in so many and it's never worked. Still, he says "I gotta get myself into treatment".
He wonders if he's crazy in the head. I personally think he's simply addicted and has believed so many lies that they now represent truth in his head. He says he's had mental evaluations and the doctors have told him he's mentally sound.
I asked him if he's ever been told that he was important or loved. He said he had lots when he was young. He was a star athlete and people loved him for that. But he's never had a wife, he said "there must be something wrong with me to have never had a wife". He told me about how children love him, but in these days kids can't just run over to anybody and talk because there are too many nutcases out and about....so since there are no children he's free to enjoy being around he likes animals. Animals don't judge us, only love us, and people won't look down their noses in suspicion if he's patting his dog as opposed to innocently playing with a child.
Lenny is lonely. I would let him play with my kids. He has a very kind heart.
I told him him I was glad he was alive and I had hope for him even if he didn't have hope for himself. I asked if it was okay that I pray for him whenever he comes to mind. He told me he felt a little bit scared, but would let me. I hope I see him again tonight.

Please PRAY for Lenny. He is caught in this horrible cycle and knows it. It doesn't have to stay this way. I know he needs God, but the only way he's going to find that God is gracious and patient and not a horrible mean judge waiting to strip him of his hope for eternity is if that's the way I treat him...and others who represent a loving Christ. Unfortunately, because he's "homeless" most people pretend they don't even see him when they walk by. I used to be one of these people, so I'm no hero. But I was reminded once again last night, that these people have names, and God knows them, and so should I. I am humbled by the great love of God....why do I forget who my God is so often?

posted by Amanda @ 11:54 PM