i'm stuck @ confusion corner
*i'm going to post pictures of africa, i promise......
So, I've been back in Seattle for 15 days now. The first week was crazy due to the DTS program running it's final mile (debrief), and now they've all scattered back to their homelands with many plans for the future. The DTS house is right next door to my townhouse (where a bunch of us staff live) so every time that house empties up, it's a little bit sad. There are a few students from this DTS that are making a comeback, so that's something I'm really looking forward to. One of the girls I got really close to, Heidi, is planning on moving back to Seattle in the summer - yay Heidi! I know our students face a lot of questions upon their return to "normal life". Please keep them in your prayers as they cover a lot of different situations and circumstances to return home to. It's exciting to see where they'll go after this experience we had the privilege of being a part of.
I knew that coming back from Africa would have it's difficult points. It's never easy coming back. As I'm sure you've gathered, I saw, experienced, & learned a lot during my time in Zambia. I'm trying to give myself time to see how things in me have changed.... honestly, I'm really tired. Not the kind of tired a good 12 noon sleep-in cures. Tired in spirit. If I can say that. It feels rather scary to admit that to all of you who might possibly be reading this. But it doesn't do me or you any good if I can't be honest about where I'm at. That's the point of keeping a blog that keeps y'all "in the know", right? There are just, what feels like, a million thoughts roaming the planes of my mind right now. It seems easier to pretend everything is great and under control. But I'm not in control, and I trust in a God who is quite creative and unpredictable at times. Oh, He's always good, just so big...
I'd love it if you would keep me in your prayers and to hear any encouragements you may have. I know we've all had moments like these in our lives. I know I'm not alone. I know things in my brain will calm down.
What's going on:
- staffing the next DTS?
- school? ...a thought...
- immigration/visa related stuff ... i'm at the place where I
could apply for an R-1 (religious workers) visa which would allow me something like 3-5 years here, but not sure if I want to do that...
- i'm still in need of more monthly support (i have about $400/mth coming consistantly each month, but as my rent is $350/mth, that does'nt leave me with much to buy groceries, pay other bills, etc)
- the base is in the process of trying to purchase the "gray house" (DTS house) and our townhouse isn't such the deal it used to be (very expensive for very tiny rooms and space) so we're all moving over the the DTS house until August and then we'll be finding a new place to live. Lots of moving.
- i'll be staffing Mission Adventures again this spring/summer ....and GATEWAY is coming for a week! YAY!
PPS....
make sure you scroll around on my blog...i added a video for "naya mona", but if you're not looking for it, it could easily be missed.
super, thanks!
PS....
keep checking back ... i'm going to be adding pictures and video too.
thanks :)
forgive me if i sound redundant...
so...i'm back in seattle. Our team got back from Zambia via London on the 5th of March. What can I say to sum up 2 amazing and difficult months? It's hard. That's the big question these days: "How was Zambia?" and often times I probably look stunned in response. My head is full and spinning. We debriefed in London (as that's where Chrissie was born and raised) and though it was good, it was strange. It felt like we all just flipped some imaginary switch and turned Africa off for 3 days. And then suddenly we were all in Seattle....even stranger. It's good to be back all the same.
Zambia was amazing. It's a beautiful country filled with beautiful people who have this amazing gift of hospitality and joy inthe midst of much suffering. Their worship makes me very curious about what it will sound like in heaven...it was one of the most amazing things I've ever heard.
"Suffering" was a theme for our team. We wrestled it down to the ground and pinned it. Ha! Not exactly, but wrestle we did. Our team had many a good conversations about who God is within suffering. How do suffering and God's justice co-exist? Why does God answer prayers for healing for some and not for others? Can God be trusted? I mean, the questions people were asking were many and not easily answered with a pat answer. It was good for us to think about, pray about, and talk about with eachother. Our faith was constantly challenged and I think we came out stronger in many ways by the end. Of course, we've not got it down. There is much more to process and learn.
Eugene Petersons intro to Job was a huge encouragement for me. He just talks about the importance of entering the suffering rather than try to relieve it. We're so uncomfortable with suffering that we'll do anything to get rid of the feeling even if it causes more damage and suffering in the mean time. it's rather silly when you think about it.
We did a lot of home based care which is where the theme of suffering become most shoved in our faces and into our lives. Every monday and friday we would meet, pray for and encourage, anywhere from 5-15 people suffering with HIV & AIDS, Malaria, TB, sores all over their body, etc. Some of these poeple were not just HIV+, but they also had TB or Malaria at the same time....We met too many children who were orphaned by AIDS taking their parents. Sad.
So, you ask what's next for me. I'm a little overwhelmed at that thought at the moment. My head is full from what I've just been telling so little about (considering i could easily go on and on)....and regarding the future as well. Too many opportunties for me can sometimes be paralyzing.
I'm trying to pursue more with art and music since those are my passions. I'd like to see how maybe I can combine my care for justice and art/music in the future. I've been having trouble reconciling my artsy side with my "i feel like i have to be well educated and do something "important"..side". I'm still trying to figure it out! I have much to pray about in the next little bit and I'm doing my best to stay sane and just trust God with my overload of questions. Your prayers are eagerly welcomed & appreciated!
thanks for reading....caring....and keeping in touch.
more to come soon!
